The white against the blue seems particularly spectacular today. She giggles and turns around. “Are you recording ?” “Yes!”
This past week has not been easy ,her first time at slopes. My first as ski instructor. My breath catches as she glides through a tricky bend.I am proud of her I realise. A survivor even at 8. Just like her mother.
Alas, pride like love , however misplaced , sometimes seeps into your crevices and settles to stay. A godchild. Not yours. I remind myself. The sun is making my eyes water today. Damn!
Herein lies the reason why it will never be what it could have been between us. The unsaid words have piled up like bricks. The more we choose to ignore the more they become conspicuous. The more we laugh about inconsequential things, the deeper the wound cuts. The more we pretend, the more it becomes real.
Like a festered wound the damage is becoming irrevocable. Every walk down the memory lane leaves a haze of pain. The carefully indexed good memories are becoming more and more difficult to recall.
All the while the invisible wall grows taller . A heavy presence which is slowly becoming a part of us.Ignoring will become second nature. Numbed with pain, riding on indifference we will become what we were pretending to be. Strangers